there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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