So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
