I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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