So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
