ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
