if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
