I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
