why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
