i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
