I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
