At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
