I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
