I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
