Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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