if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
