How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
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