Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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