so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
