Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
