I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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