I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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