He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
