I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Ladies don't puke and tell
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
