just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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