well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
