Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Randomize
