We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
