i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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