Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
