I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
