At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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