so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Let's get the cat blown out
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
