Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
