1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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