There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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