Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I party with great urgency now.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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