Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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