Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
