IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
