the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
