I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
this hospital has no fireball
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
