We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
