Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
