Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
