i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Randomize
