dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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