Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
