I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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