Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
