I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
