he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
