and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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